haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
