walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
