some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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