yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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