why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
