I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
