Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hippo gnu deer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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