i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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