No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
