final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
