You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
