my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
