Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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