can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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