After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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