Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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