Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
