Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
