If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
