Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
