If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
