Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
