Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
