how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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