covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
