We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
