Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
