my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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