If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
