my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
