Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
