well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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