Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
