I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
