ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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