this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
