ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
