you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
