just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
