Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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