I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
