apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
