I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
