i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
