"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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