Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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