I'd wear matching sweaters with you
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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