Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
