it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
