Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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