i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
