Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
