I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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